PAX: Joe Smith, Enhancements, Chops, Renfield, Fruit Loop, Adjacent, Snip, Hermes, Amway, Astro, Dexter, Brie, H G T V
PAX (not in Slack): The Walton Family, bless their hearts
FNGs: None
COUNT: 13
Today, the pax gathered to celebrate a long-awaited Black Friday beatdown, where we could finally celebrate our love of retail shopping and unfettered capitalism and do so right in everyone’s face. Mosey to the nearby office park to show our appreciation to the our cubicle-bound brethren for an abbreviated warm up. Included the traditional merkins-plank jacks-mountain climbers combo, as a hat tip to brother Oofta who surely would not appreciate the unrestrained and unplanned-for expenditure of cash that was soon to follow.
Mosey to that great center of commerce, Walmart store #2247. Split pax into 2 teams and begin a set of zig-zaggy B.O.M.B.S., since Black Friday shopping is the bomb. Observe the queue of competitor shoppers lined up outside of Walmart, waiting for the 6:00 AM rope-drop. At 6:00 AM, halt the pax and announce the newest addition to the Exicon, The Doorbuster. 2 pax from each team take the cash so carefully stored in YHC’s socks, sprint across the parking lot and into Walmart, while the remainder of the team continues with increasing-count B.O.M.B.S. Secret Shopper Pax are to purchase 1 toy that fits the list of next week’s toy drive (see #announcements by HGTV), as fast as possible. Finish checking out, don’t get punched in the face by the aggressive flatscreen TV crowd, refuse to show the receipt to the elderly security personnel, and sprint back across the parking lot to rejoin the pax; flapjack and next 2 pax enter the store for more unabashed retail purchasing. While completing the B.O.M.B.S. and waiting for all pax to complete their shopping, don’t let the Walmart shopping bags touch the ground, or the Tax Man cometh. When all pax have returned with their purchases, we give thanks for the opportunity to participate in these joyful transactions, and mosey on. Quick stop at Radiant Waxing (“from bush to tush”) for some monkey humpers, then mosey back to Ritter. 1 stop for a surprise minute of Burpee Beatdown, then to the flag for abbreviated Mary; having now completed our Black Friday purchases and moved toward Giving Tuesday, the pax were Given the opportunity to lead Mary. Announcements, prayers and praises for a safe and peaceful Thanksgiving and for the many of us navigating the challenges that extended family can entail. YHC took us out.
NMS: Thank you all for fulfilling my year-long dream of leading a beatdown into the Walmart on Black Friday and joining the transactional fray. Mumblechatter was outstanding today. Don’t miss the Rollback deals on a decent pair of pleated chinos at Walmart; you can thank me at the Christmas Party.